until i will

I will stand here, to watch you-
Watching you and loving you and praying for you-
Until it is uncontainable, until
Until I don't know when but when it is
I'll know to let go since at that moment, you are
You are no longer here, and my heart will be long broken-
From the extent of praying for you, loving you, watching you
I will stand here because you-
Because you because I because she because I by then
And only then the vows are blessed and then yea
The doors will fling and the shards will be free of pride
It will give way to flesh and the reconstruction too-
I will kneel here, me anew-

aahh the rain came

did you hear? my heart cried this week. it finally decided to gradually submit the offenses it held onto and allow new fruits to grow in place of those offenses. these fruits are carefully cultivated by the Father's love and immutable commitment to yield love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

may this heart of mine never compromise nor lose to the temptation of a callous fortified heart again, but press forward and thrive towards a transparent tender heart.

A Sigh

taking a deep breath and releasing it in one gush seems to be the trend for me nowadays. the onslaught of thoughts rolling, clashing, remembering, defining, convicting, encouraging-they are my current company. i offer each of them a seat when they come. hospitality is a must, isn't it?

i say to each, "please sit awhile with me because you are my company. you have come to visit."

our communication consist of mental images and sounds and my responsive sighs. i would have rather offer a cup of tears than a plate of sighs.

crying is near impossible for me. i have astigmatism. to be more precise, i have a selective astigmatistic heart. i easily cry for others. i cry with others. i can't cry for myself. i've tried, but i couldn't. i would choose to cry over sighing any day. crying is cleansing. crying is healing. crying is restoring.

one day soon i believe, Jesus will show me the origin of this particular malfunction. then i will soar with HIM and have a rain party. the rainbow will seal the deal and the ramblings of my heart will have acquired additional flavors to share.

TBA

no progress with the flower and bee yet. when there is, i will continue this story.

flower and bee

i see a beautiful plain flower with strong roots that can withstand any weather. it gazes at the sun and confidently grows out its petals. it was taught that as long as its love for the sun was strong and its roots were sturdy, many worthy insects would become attracted and find their way to the flower. therefore, the beautiful plain flower focused on the sun every sunrise through sunset among its friends in the plains.

everyday, a swarm of bees would fly above the plain where the flower was. none of them would come to rest on its petals though. they would land on the other flowers nearby instead. this did not bother the beautiful plain flower and it continued to gaze at its beloved sun. then one day, there was one particular bee which caught the attention of this beautiful plain flower. the fluttering of this bee's wings made a distinquished song which captivated the flower. oh, how it wish this bee would come and land on its petals. the bee would hover briefly at a distance but never did it choose to rest upon the beautiful plain flower. the flower tried to show off its beautiful plain petals but to no avail. so it thought to itself that perhaps its roots were not yet sturdy enough for the bee to land on...

to be continue

Goodbye

for this moment
for this time
for awhile
forever